I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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