I feel like abortions should bother me more
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
