Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
