i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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