he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
