his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize