1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
