she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
