It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
