Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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