I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
