I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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