He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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