Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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