is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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