I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
