She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
