If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
