My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
