Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
