Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
