Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
