There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
