i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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