If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Text me some of your sweat
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
