According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
