these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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