so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
