oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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