So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
