I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
