o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Randomize
