But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
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