i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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