You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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