I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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