I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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