I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
