my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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