last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
