You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize