very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
