I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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