so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
