Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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