I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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