good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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