4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
