She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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