Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
why is half of my head shaved?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
