dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
