Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
