Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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