he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
