It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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