we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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