i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
