worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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