she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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