Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
