Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
