Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
