We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
