Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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