I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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