i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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