Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
