the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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