I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
