He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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