do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
