I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
