Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
