You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
