accomplished twins. life is a go
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
