And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
